Episode 20: Me, Myself & Identity

Though they may look ridiculous in today's episode, hosts Kristelle Siarza Moon and Jace Downey are brining you a thought-provoking exploration of identity and its profound influence on the pursuit of success. They share their personal experiences and insights, emphasizing the importance of authenticity, curiosity, and the grace of evolution in the journey of self-discovery. The episode challenges listeners to reflect on their own identities and consider how they define success based on their unique perception, values and beliefs. We're celebrating our 20th episode with a little twist; watch it now at Siarza.com/siarza-podcast!

A Siarza Production
Hosted by Kristelle Siarza Moon & Jace Downey
Executive Producer: Kristelle Siarza Moon
Producer: Jace Downey
Video/Editing: Justin Otsuka

Watch episodes at siarza.com/siarza-podcast
Follow us on FB, IG, TT, YT and TW @siarzatheagency
Follow Kristelle @kristellesiarza
www.misskristelle.com
Follow Jace @jacedowneyofficial
www.jacedowney.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Generational Identities and Storytelling
• 5:40 Embracing and Evolving Personal Identity
• 14:43 Exploring Identity and Avoiding Societal Pressure
• 25:44 Exploring Relationship Dynamics and Personal Identity
• 36:34 Thanking for Following and Subscribing

Transcript

Jace: 0:00

We have our inner identity, which actually plays a much bigger role in our success. You nailed it when you were talking about like I'll call it like the stories we tell about ourselves to ourselves. You look dashing, thank you, thank you. One realized like I was like, oh, to get the like white to stay on, I'd do way more than anticipated, which then came out more Dia de los Muertos than Marilyn Manson. But I also realized, once it's on, you can't make any adjustments. So, like I was like, oh, I didn't nail that and I'm like but you have to start over entirely. So I'm like well, this is what we're looking like today. Primer, moisturizer, primer Did it. I even mixed the white with my regular makeup to make it a little more liquidy and less chalky. It didn't really work.

Kristelle: 0:55

Yeah, I don't know if we might have gone wrong.

Jace: 0:58

I did a test run and did it. Okay, yes, good, but this I don't know. This is what we look like today. It looks great.

Kristelle: 1:05

Yeah, yeah, yeah, marilyn Manson. Marilyn Manson, my name is Daria.

Jace: 1:10

My name is Daria Morkendorfer. I go to.

Kristelle: 1:12

Londale High. I have a sister who I hate and I have a friend named Jane. Thank you, so it's the 90s at CRZ.

Jace: 1:25

It's the 90s, it's the 90s.

Kristelle: 1:29

CRZ takes our costumes very seriously. We'll get to the story success in stuff here in a minute, but I figured I'd kind of break down the story of why we don't, why we decided not to have Jace and Crystal post the podcast today. We at CRZ have taken Halloween incredibly seriously, like diligently detailed with our costumes.

Jace: 1:51

Much like I take everything very seriously.

Kristelle: 1:54

We have made it onto the night telecast of KOB channel four, the NBC affiliate, because one year we dressed up as a bunch of bananas Yep, a bunch of bananas. And then we were mean girls, we were kiss, we were. Last year we were, oh, we had the Wizard of Oz. One year we did add icons last year Add icons last year my favorite one, for sure.

Kristelle: 2:19

And then this one is epic because I feel like we're all different versions of ourselves right now, but I don't know if you know, but there's actually Garth that's actually filming us right now from Aurora Colorado.

Jace: 2:33

He has the best friend named Wayne. I used to live in Aurora, so I feel you man rock on. And also I'm sorry, because I realized that this is a very squeaky jacket. All of a sudden I'm like, oh, garth is going to be so mad. Oh, garth is going to be, so mad? Also, when you talk about different versions of ourselves. I did not purchase this jacket for this costume. I used to wear this jacket for realsies.

Kristelle: 2:59

Why are you embarrassed about this?

Jace: 3:01

Because it looks like someone like skinned Elmo and made a coat and I would just walk around like this was a cool thing to wear. It was a different time, kids, OK, On top it was very in.

Kristelle: 3:14

All right, I'm proud of your keep me, thank you. I'm going to sit like this for most of the day because that way I can get into my true identity, which is an angsty teenager from Lundale. High.

Jace: 3:25

There was a lot of angst in the 90s. I was really listening to some Marilyn Manson to prepare, yeah, and of course, as I was getting ready this morning, he was nuts. He was nuts, he was an icon. All right, y'all wanted notorious 90s icons. Marilyn Manson was a phenomenal one.

Jace: 3:42

And but I'm listening to the music and there is so much anger in it and there's so much angst in it and I was like fucking Jen Exers, what were you all going through? Do y'all need some hugs? Like don't you have angsty? Like it was an angsty time and like, but I'm listening to the music and I'm like he's really encapsulating a lot of frustration that people were feeling, that the youth was feeling at the time. Like, and I think about Jen- Exers.

Jace: 4:04

You're really in an analysis mode about this. This is where I live, girl, and I'm thinking about Jen Exers. And they were the first to kind of see that the story we're talking about, identity every day, right. So like the story that the Babe Boom Boomers were told do these things, go to college, get the job, buy the house, happiness prevails, right. And Jen Exers was starting to see like that that wasn't really true, and yet they didn't have another alternative yet. So they were asked to fit into a life that maybe wasn't their own, where our generation came in and started going wait a second, there's got to be some other options here, and we kind of built on what they did. And now Jen Z is just fucking like they're just going to do whatever comes into their beautiful minds and while out and we have these generational identities and I think the stuckness that maybe existed for some of those Gen Xers showed up in A Lot of Anxed, which we see in some of the characters around the office today.

Kristelle: 4:57

Sure which is a great transition into stories, success and stuff. We're talking about identity today, indeed, and the specific topic of identity is a really fun topic to discuss today, especially because, yes, you were talking about generations. You're talking about how that's developed in terms of the Babe Boomers versus Jen Exers versus Jen Zers millennials, including us, right? We're the older millennials now, which is really kind of sad to say, but it's true, right? What has identities over time kind of crafted for us all? Ok, so you talked about this black coat, the hot topic days. If you could look at your old identity and who you are now, I hope it would be one of the same. However, what would you tell your younger self if you could go back in time? What would you tell them about identity? What's the lesson that you would have learned?

Jace: 5:56

Like this age me, yeah, this age you yeah yeah.

Jace: 5:59

So this age me. I remember a boy in sophomore year and he was like well, I can't wait to see what costume you wear tomorrow. And I told him these aren't costumes, this is style. And I was so fucking bold and confident at that time. I used to wear leather fringe vests, which are back. By the way, I had my moms from the 70s. I had red fedora, white pinstripe I just pinstripe, I just wore whatever I felt would be fun and I didn't care. And I was just out in the world doing whatever I wanted. And I would tell her don't ever lose that. There's some shit that's going to come down the line, but stay true to who you are. Because I lost that, I became super shy. I had a lot of shame. I started really hiding. I became very introverted. I mean, I hated myself. So I didn't think anybody else wanted to be around me. So I really shifted and it's taken me time to get back into that space of just being who I am and showing up how I want.

Kristelle: 7:00

You're authentic Chase.

Jace: 7:02

Yeah, and that's not a switch right. It's a spectrum that we ride at different times in our best ability. So I commend her as I've been thinking back on my identity then, and I guess cheers to later me as well, who went back and found it.

Kristelle: 7:18

Well, it's kind of fascinating that you had said that You're like my identity back then is my identity now, and you talked about the spectrum of you know. Accidentally, you're just kind of sliding on the scale. I think about when I was 14, my mentor, dr Alcantara Auntie Deli, as I called her. I remember when I was no, I was 15. And she goes you should be a part of a conference about Filipino-American history. I was like that's hilarious, but OK, and then I wrote a presentation because she figured out that I had a knack for public speaking back then and I realized, oh my god, like I actually do have a knack for public speaking, and I wrote this and she goes I want you to write it on identity.

Kristelle: 7:57

And I said OK, and she goes talk about your story, about how you came from San Francisco, which is predominantly Filipino, and came to New Mexico, which has a very small community of Filipinos, and talk about your identity and how that shifted. And I didn't realize that, number one, she was teaching me how to write a college dissertation, because I was essentially talking at an academic conference at the age of 15, not realizing what the hell I was talking about. And then, number two, she was actually putting me through a self-discovery process about identity, and so my younger self would, in terms of what I looked, what I dressed like, et cetera. It was t-shirt and skirt, because I wanted to feel comfortable but also adjust. And my identity was always also being in speech and debate in a lot of those different academic clubs.

Kristelle: 8:47

You always had to have professional dress or a sorority chicks call it badge attire, right, always had to look semi-decent, semi-professional. What do they call it? Badge attire. Badge attire? Yeah, because you always wear your badge, which is a meaningful symbol of you being a part of the sorority, your badge. And so whenever you wear it.

Kristelle: 9:05

it's kind of like a uniform. Right, you never wear your uniform, you never wear your medals. Unlike casual dress, you always wear it on like your blues.

Kristelle: 9:15

Okay, Anyways so I might have got that wrong, but please don't scrutinize me as a military person, Anyways so when I was younger, I would just be very comfortable and then I would always dress up when I need to dress up and I loved my professional dress and then I loved my comfortable dress and then I realized over time that looking professional became part of my identity or feeling like a professional or wanting to be a professional became a part of my identity.

Kristelle: 9:45

And then, on top of that, it was also being like I don't understand there was no middle ground of casual and fancy. It was or professional. It was just like I could never do both. I didn't understand that, and so I would always either look like a bum or look super professional, and then over time I'm like I would rather look like a bum, even as a C level executive.

Jace: 10:09

I was like so we've come full circle.

Kristelle: 10:12

We've come full circle, or nothing has changed out of my identity? Yeah, no, I love dressing like a bum.

Jace: 10:18

Yeah, I commend you, yeah, yeah.

Kristelle: 10:21

And I think you know everybody's identity. So you're talking about CEOs, right, and what the identity they try to shift or who they try to establish themselves with. I will say that the biggest compliment that we've received out of the podcast which is incredible, that we have a base of listeners now I'm so excited about it. The one thing that they've said was you never hold back. The both of us, you all don't hold back and you all are really authentic about it. And I think that when a person reaches that comfort level in public speaking or in conversation where they're so comfortable, that's when I think they truly tap into their identity. I think it's a comfortable space, yeah.

Jace: 11:05

And I love this sense that we're bringing it inside right, because we can have our outer identity, which you know, these icons that we're all dressed up as are known for what they look like, how they show up their characteristics, things like that. But then we have our inner identity, which actually plays a much bigger role in our success, and you nailed it when you're talking about, like I'll call it, like, the stories we tell about ourselves to ourselves. That becomes our identity. Sure, yeah, and that's where our success is going to come from, from those stories we tell ourselves and then tell the world and how we show up, and oftentimes we don't go back and examine them, no, and we're just out there, often with the stories we were given in younger years, not directly right, but we pick them up and kids are smart.

Kristelle: 11:52

Yeah.

Jace: 11:53

They receive and they go oh, that got me. You know, I have a sense of connection. I'm going to do that more because I want that. Now, that's part of who I am. And we start building on that and we go and like well, why am I not living the life I want? Why do I not have the things I want? Why am I at a level of success I want and oftentimes we can trace that back to our inner identity what we think we're worth, what we think our value is, our role we think is supposed to play. We talk about like you, like wearing your CEO costume. Yeah Right, that's like. Now you're playing the C level role out in the world the way they've like, asked you to and whatnot.

Kristelle: 12:26

Yeah, I have to talk about HR and finances all day.

Jace: 12:30

Yeah. And the authenticity in public speaking comes when I think I'm gonna throw this out there that we have examined in our own ways, through different paths, our inner selves and those stories. We've come to terms with them. And then it's like, yeah, here I am. Yeah, and even with a sense of anger sometimes, where I think about my past weirdo self in different degrees some funny, some harmful and uncool and I think, like, what do you want me to do about it now? Yeah, like I am where I'm at, I'm showing up how I am. Now I have changed those stories and my identity inside and out. The hell you want me to do about that?

Kristelle: 13:05

Yeah.

Jace: 13:06

I can't. So here I am so like what am I? What do I? Got to hide?

Kristelle: 13:09

So if you were to give advice to, to a younger professional and I say this because recently, since the podcast has come out, since the marketing conversations that we have, we're both starting to ramp up our speaking times here in the next six months If a younger person or younger professional which I'll be speaking about here in a conference soon about power of mentorship, power of mentoring young people, those are the individual that's like to me. They're a population that's looking for drafting their profile of an identity right, Just like a social media bio, like how do they write that? I think they will have a really difficult time doing that, because all young people do. And when I say by young people, like high schoolers all the way up to people that just recently graduated and getting into the industry, what advice would you give them on how to be comfortable in an identity of their own?

Jace: 14:07

I think that older generations actually have a harder time than this next one. Sure, so like for that I'm like. I wish they would tell me. They seem to have received information their whole lives not all of them, of course but that it's okay to be who you are Younger people or older people. Younger people, okay, yeah, like Gen X to some degree, but baby mothers when I work with people in their like, say, 60s, around self mastery stuff, it's so much harder to get them to a space of self acceptance or even self reflection and just being okay with who they are. Where younger people are like, done, cool, got it, it's like it goes so much faster.

Jace: 14:43

So I think, when we're talking about, like being in an identity of who you truly are, they probably could teach us a few things. But I would tell them, like, don't play by the rules. Yeah, unless we often take advice from people who aren't people we actually wanna be like and they aren't living a life we wanna live. Yeah, but they're the ones we're supposed to listen to. It's the advice we're supposed to listen to, right? And so my advice would be before you take on any kind of identity or listen to any guidance or advice from anyone. Make sure it's a life you wanna be living, sure, and then it's a person you wanna live. And if that's not a game you wanna win, don't bother playing by their rules.

Kristelle: 15:22

Yeah, no, I appreciate what you said. I think about. You know who the identity of my older family members are and some of them live very unapologetically and those ones are really living their best lives right now. And I think some of some other people that I know in my life that are that older generation that didn't quite live unapologetically, they're actually lost right now, yeah, In who they are. The reason why I bring up the young person is obviously some of you know that I have a 15 year old who's like my baby bird. I love him unconditionally and I tell him not only you know, what do I want for you in life? I want you to be a good human being. I think he's doing a really good job at that right now. There's some times where I'm like, dude, that was a dick move, At least 15. He's a 15 year old, but he's awesome. Oh, I appreciate that. I mean it. A lot goes to his dad and a lot goes to Spencer.

Kristelle: 16:13

You know, I add my two cents in so he can be a good human being. Girl, you better make it a dollar.

Jace: 16:19

No, you're his mom.

Kristelle: 16:21

Yeah, I definitely. I'm definitely proud of him and I would say that I worry only because that society and a pressure of institutions gets into people's heads about identity, like one of the things and I try really hard not to. I respect his privacy, but one thing I am comfortable about talking about with the both of us is he's very nervous about what college is gonna look like for him and he's a sophomore. It seems like, oh, that's really young, right, to be thinking about college as a sophomore, but mom's a planner, like he just can't avoid it, right, and I'm worried that he feels oh, so part of the reason why we chose this school, the Bosque school really phenomenal educational institution they want him to find the right college for him Because, if you think about it right, our parents that did go to school were defined by the institutions that they had in the experience.

Kristelle: 17:19

But some of us didn't have those experiences because we're the first generation to actually go to college. So our identities from a person that went to like TCU or Duke or Yale or whatever that is, is defined by that. Oh, it's Purdue, but not with the younger generation. So we purposely chose Bosque because they said, if you're trying to match the kid with the school. That's an Ivy League. This is not the school for you. We fit the kid to the institution or to the college experience that would be best for him learning, education, et cetera.

Kristelle: 17:51

And the reason why I worry about this is that the younger generation doesn't have that opportunity or that capability. They think they see UNM and they're like no UNM's not good enough. Well, what if your identity is actually being close to home? Or what if your identity is actually being a person that's just like a small business owner, like I had to tell my son multiple times. It's like you know, if you don't wanna go to college, I would be really upset if you didn't, because I think that you are very smart and you just need to kind of push yourself. But if you need a break from school, I'm very much understanding of that and I think it's a great idea that you do that and maybe go into a gap year, and so we've been talking about that. That's very untraditional to think about that. But I guess my point is I'm worried about my son feeling like his friends are gonna pressure him into identifying that he has to go to a four year institution.

Jace: 18:42

It's just not for him. Yeah, right I just don't think so, maybe another path entirely.

Kristelle: 18:47

Oh yeah, oh, 100%. Like I remember one of the things like his identity has really become. He had a situation about identity recently too, that he realized like oh, I'm who I am and I very much like that about myself and the people that I grew up with are not that same culture. One's a jock, one's a super nerd and he's like I. Enjoy magic cards and Pokemon and really insightful conversations that I can debate with my instructors.

Jace: 19:18

Yeah.

Kristelle: 19:18

That's a school experience. Yeah, Okay with it.

Jace: 19:22

I would add on, as you're saying, that, like that, some people have some people to like not cling on to any identity. I think that's where we actually get into a lot of trouble when we go this is who I am, yeah, and this is what I do. That shifts and changes. Like life is long but it goes quick, but it's long, and we, if we continue to know ourselves and be out in the world and experiencing new things and all that, we shift and grow along with it.

Jace: 19:47

And I came into a lot of trouble when I would hang on to like no, this is who I am and I have to continue being that, even though it didn't fit anymore. It's like if I were to still walk around with this coat and I walked into this office wearing this coat and you would all be like that's an interesting look outside of your normal attire, jace. That wouldn't be aligned with me anymore if I kept being like but I wore it at one point and at one point I did this, so I have to keep doing it. Yeah, because I was proud of it at some point. That creates a whole new problem. So I like to think about life as I call it open mind, open heart, open hands.

Kristelle: 20:23

Yeah.

Jace: 20:24

And I mean to not cling to things, and identity is one of the ones that feels really important to cling to, because then it's something to hang on to in a world that's always changing.

Kristelle: 20:34

You know I'm going to go here Woo.

Jace: 20:38

I'm going to go here you fell on my coffee.

Kristelle: 20:40

Yeah, religion, woo. Yes, I went through the last in the last 12 months when we were going through marriage preparation classes. I don't. I think the marriage preparation and the marriage counseling, which is what they call it, like pre-cana, was incredible for Spencer and I. But I also realized how people defined their identity by their religion and a nun once said this question in class. She asked what is the definition of religion? Everybody was just like looking around and they were like uh, and I was like um, it's culture of values and beliefs, and she's like nope, she goes, religion is a way of life. Oh, and I said huh, and I think about it, I think.

Kristelle: 21:40

And then we started in eighth grade, which was very progressive but important. We started to learn about other religions in Catholic school. We learned about, you know, judaism, buddhism. We learned about, you know religions of the Middle East, the importance of the Quran to others, you know, et cetera. So when we were learning everything, I it came full circle when we were in marriage, when Spencer and I were in marriage counseling, because marriage counseling, marriage prep, because there's there's a lot of things that they said to us which we do believe. Luckily, it is within our value system that marriage is forever Right. Yeah, and that's our shared value.

Kristelle: 22:23

But the Catholic faith has has told many people that marriage is the way of life, no matter if it's sacrificing your personal happiness or safety or safety or well being for your family, and I found it that sometimes not to not the Catholic faith in particular, but even if you look at the definition of religion in its form of it's the way of life people can really lose their identities if they don't think consciously about the lives in front of them and their beliefs in front of them.

Kristelle: 23:05

I've seen some. I've seen some folks now that were very staunch Catholics. In fact, an X of mine was like I changed my way of life and I was so miserable not realizing that the Catholic faith wasn't the right place for me anymore. Yeah, and organized religion wasn't the right place for me anymore. And that was his choice, like it just, and he became a better person because of the ex did, and then he fell right back into it by getting married again in the Catholic faith. I was like, oh my God, like come on man, like yeah, but that's such a good point.

Jace: 23:34

These identities, once we accept them, are really really hard to move away from Exactly.

Jace: 23:39

And when they're given to us when we're young, that indoctrination for better or like to teach their own, yeah, that. Then if you're told something when you're so young, it's truth. Yeah, yeah, like we don't. My mom, thankfully, taught us question everything, even her, which I'm sure was very annoying, because I took that to heart. That's where you get it from. Yeah, I still. I was going to say, and I still annoy everyone. I remember in a I don't think it was annoying- In my interview with you.

Jace: 24:07

You were like I'm a time out here, real quick, I'm supposed to be interviewing you. I'm like, but I'm so curious about you, and so she, she did teach us that we don't have to take anything blindly and we shouldn't but things like religion, culture, family, where you come from, money, profession, our relationships, our roles, being a daughter, being a mother, being a husband, whatever All of those things can be taken in as our identity and they almost pack on and on, and on and on until they suffocate who we really are.

Kristelle: 24:42

Now.

Jace: 24:42

I'm not saying people aren't going to tap in and then go like, oh, being in role of mother is so much a part of why I'm here. Like my big sister, she was born to be a mom. Yeah, she just what that that is part of who she is Right. So I'm not saying like because it's given to us or we haven't examined it doesn't mean there's not truth to it for us. But if we don't look at it, we're not only missing maybe our potential but, as silly as it sound like, maybe our destiny, yeah, yeah, no, it's, it's a, it's a.

Kristelle: 25:14

I think that identity is. You know, we look at self-help and we look at mental health and we look at wellness. I'd be curious to see what would change in society if you know, as as as curriculums are starting to be developed for self-help and self-oneness, especially for younger people, I'd be curious to see what conversations they're having about identity in classrooms today. Like you know, what is the evolution of it? When do you, when do you give yourself that grace of evolution? What does change look like?

Kristelle: 25:44

I think one of the best relationship books I've ever read was during a breakup. It was after a breakup and I had just met Spencer and I was like I don't know what's going on with us. I just need to kind of take my time and reading this book about breakups and one of the most fascinating pieces about this book I wish I could remember the name of it, but I can't but the name of the. Basically the purpose of the book when I read it was relationships can change throughout time and evolve, and I and evolving yourself as an individual. Sometimes you circle to each other over time in your own personal identities or sometimes you circle out in a way where you both evolved.

Kristelle: 26:36

And your identities don't mean that you're compatible anymore, yep, and I think that's very eye-opening when you think about what a relationship should be and what is your identity when you're in the relationship. And it's okay to say that we're gravitating I don't know if it's okay to say that you're gravitating apart, but being conscious of what direction you're headed, I think is really important in a relationship, and that's very applicable even to the business side of things too.

Jace: 27:05

Absolutely. I was going to say that those things happen in any of our relationships and I think it is fair to say like, oh, we're kind of drifting apart a little bit. That doesn't mean not going to come back together, right, especially like you just said, like for you guys, marriage is forever.

Kristelle: 27:20

Yeah.

Jace: 27:20

And there are going to be those ebbs and flows. And then you just stick through them right, like my bestie calls it sticking power. Like you just, even though it isn't exactly right, you like you stick it out. Yeah, anyway, and that that's part of it as well. Yeah, the issue side note the grace of evolution. I'm like you will be hearing that out of my mouth from now on. That's beautiful. I love that because it is. We are there. There's a patience and tenderness that can come with change if we allow it.

Jace: 27:50

I love that phrase. Grace of evolution.

Kristelle: 27:52

So we talked about it in grief, right? Yes, of course there's a grief that comes from changing and evolving and moving on, et cetera.

Jace: 28:00

Yeah, and you better believe, letting go of parts of our identity feels like death. Yeah, I mean, that's an existential crisis right there, I mean, and you're the ego which we also have an episode about, we'll fight for it You're talking about death and you look like Marilyn Manson.

Kristelle: 28:14

Yeah, you're welcome.

Jace: 28:18

I forgot until I caught like a, when I was like we have an episode on ego. I'm like, oh, I can see myself in the monitor. I'm like, oh yeah, I look like this Cool, super cool. Please take everything on saying seriously. So it does feel like death which I'm very pro. I'm very pro-death, I don't know. There was a song that he was singing that was like if you love me, you'll kill for me, and I was like, oh, that's not great, honey.

Jace: 28:43

Like oh no wonder you were under trial, you know, with all of the things going, on Like yeah, that's not a great thing to say, but you know, to each their own, as I always say. But it does feel like death to let go because we're again. It's that sense of control that we don't actually have. So I know spoiler alert and and we'll fight for it, but if we don't, so like, let's say, I have the identity unconsciously that I will never make it to C level, right, guess what? That's what is going to happen.

Jace: 29:16

We talked in about the power that the brain and the subconscious mind have over us in our episode on brain waves and breakthroughs and the cool thing about being a human if you have agency over it, or the real shitty thing if you don't. Whatever story we have told ourselves to be true, our brain will find evidence out in the world to continue proving it true because it feels safer. So if I say I'll never be successful, I'll never make six figures, I'm never going to be promoted to higher position or whatever, the brain's going to go cool, you got it and it's going to find all of the evidence to back that up and then it's going to just oh, yeah, that's that is true. See, now I have all this evidence. I have 20 years in this career and I have 20 years of evidence that that's true about me. But in actuality there might be 10 different scenarios going on and then two of them align with your story, but those are the only ones that the brain is going to see.

Kristelle: 30:11

Yep.

Jace: 30:12

And you're going to miss everything else. So when we cling to that identity, we're missing so much and we may very well be identifying ourselves right out of success.

Kristelle: 30:20

Sure, what do you think? To kind of start wrapping up right, what do you think is a key characteristic of a successful person's identity?

Jace: 30:33

One that they identify with success, that that's accessible to them and they're worth it. They deserve it.

Kristelle: 30:41

Yeah.

Jace: 30:41

Yeah, I think, openness and acceptance of things as they are being in reality of themselves, and staying really curious about all of that in the process. I'm going to go with curiosity. I think curiosity is an underrated component of success.

Kristelle: 31:04

I think the definition of success for somebody that has a really solid identity or a really solid sense of self is a person that doesn't craft success based off of somebody else's opinion or idea. When you're talking about the older generation, it's hard to kind of craft their identity. It's because their parents told them how they need to be and then our parents tried to tell us how we needed to be and then that became like a major disruptor in our through the generations right.

Kristelle: 31:31

So one of the things I think about when it comes to an individual's identity that has a relationship to success is a person that says you know, to me success is when my kids are happy, and I have five kids. I'm a single mom or not a single mom. I'm a. I'm a mom I say at home mom, and I'm living my best life. I enjoy being around my children and I also enjoy being a family, a family like being at home. If that's your definition of success, that's your identity. You're incredibly successful to me.

Jace: 32:05

See, and I'd say that's your setting up failure with that. If our identity is based on other people, oh yeah. And like, if my kids being happy is part of my identity, well, honey, they're not. You know, five kids are going to go through a lot of unhappiness in life. So if the identity instead is I do my best every day as a mom to ensure the health and happiness of my family, that, to me, is a safer bet than my success is based on the happiness of my family.

Kristelle: 32:34

Yeah, I really disagree with that because for me, like if, obviously if I'm not happy, my kids are going to learn how to not be happy with themselves. Like you, you teach yourself how to be. You teach yourself through actions, like actions speak louder than words. Right, and you learn through you know, that's how you learn.

Kristelle: 32:53

Leadership is that you have to emote what you want to teach. Right, you have to be what you want to teach, and I think that, if that's, I guess, my point is, the definition of success is defined by the person, not by the people around them. Yes, and so if a person says like I want to be happy because I want to see my kids happy, let that then they're successful in their own right.

Jace: 33:16

I'm saying that their identity is coming from their kids' happiness, which they won't be happy all the time. We're humans, it just doesn't work that way. But if the identity is, I do my best. I put effort forth every day to ensure the health and happiness the effort says. The identity instead of the outcome gives us a better shot.

Kristelle: 33:34

Sure. I also think that you know in terms of identity. I don't know like I'm, sometimes we start to talk over each other when it comes to these podcasts. But, like, let a woman or a man pick who they want to be, if they want to, if they want, if they feel like their happiness is based off of their kids, let them do that as long as they themselves are totally okay, right. But I also think that you know in terms of identity, if they like, for example, I look at the Asian culture, right, and those kids.

Kristelle: 34:05

Some kids are just like you have to be a doctor, you have to be a lawyer, you have to be XYZ, so you can change the generational income of our family. That's a lot of pressure for a lot of people to do that. I frown upon that for a lot of reasons, because that's not defining your identity for yourself. And when they make that shift of like I want to be a comedian, I want to be an actor, like Simu Liu talks about how he was, like my family wanted me to be a accountant, but I wanted to be an actor. And look at me now he has a better identity. Not many people think that his identity is authentic, which is unfortunate because to him it is right. So I don't know. I see. So back to the question of what do we see? What's the common trait with successful people and identity? It's the ones that have genuinely defined their role in themselves, by themselves or learned from others and learned from their mistakes, for sure.

Jace: 35:02

So and they let it be fluid.

Kristelle: 35:04

Yeah, yeah, absolutely, grace of evolution.

Jace: 35:06

Grace of evolution for sure. It all comes back to authenticity, it seems. Yeah.

Kristelle: 35:09

Hey, what are we talking about next week? What are we talking about next week and I say this because we're you know this is obviously a really fun and interesting episode, especially as characters and identities that were here. So the topic for next week we kind of have a grab all. I'd be curious to see what everybody thinks that our next podcast should be. We've got some really great understanding topics like personal branding You're gonna be talking about that in a really great conference here pretty soon, right? Personal brand definitions of do we do the burnout episode already?

Jace: 35:48

No, we haven't. The fact that neither of us can remember gives a pretty solid idea of our own level of burnout. That's a topic that we're gonna get into in the mix, yeah.

Kristelle: 35:57

I definitely want to hear from you all If you have a topic that you'd like for us to kind of hit or talk about, we'd love to cover it and love to chat about it. We just might not have makeup I will not look like this again.

Jace: 36:08

This is what I did. I have had multiple people ask if we could answer their questions on camera. Let's do it, so that could be fun. Yeah, we can even do it on Facebook live so people could submit questions and we can answer. I have that people like could you like touch, like answer this specifically? You and Crystal and I was like I don't see why not the review of the episode? Yeah, that could be fun. Maybe we'll do that.

Kristelle: 36:30

Yeah, yeah, Surprise, yes, but most definitely so you know. Thanks for following us, obviously, and thanks for subscribing. If you haven't subscribed to any of our, your favorite podcast through your favorite podcast mediums, don't forget to find us on stories, success and stuff Also on our website, CRZcom. Jason's always thank you.

Jace: 36:49

Dariah yeah.

Kristelle: 36:51

Marilyn Manson. Thanks as always. I really appreciate it and incredible job of always setting up the podcast to Wayne Garth.

Jace: 36:59

Gloria or Justin, thank you Either way.

Kristelle: 37:01

Party on man, keep it excellent, and we'll see you on the next episode of stories. Success and stuff.