Episode 32: Loving Life with Wendy Irwin

Are you who you think you are? Join Kristelle and Jace as they sit down with Wendy Irwin, an ICF certified coach, who enlightens us on the art of self-narrative and its crucial role in achieving happiness and success - as individuals and business owners. This episode is a journey of self-discovery, where we're sorting through the labels that comprise our identity and embracing the narratives that propel us forward. Wendy highlights the importance of fun as a catalyst for change and arms us with strategies to conquer procrastination and the paralysis of responsibility.

Ready to reshape your story? Tune in for a conversation that promises to offer a new lens through which to view the world and your place within it.

About Wendy:
Wendy Irwin is a ICF Professional Certified Coach and Coach Trainer focused on creating full-tilt unapologetic leadership with people who are ready to change the world with their talents, wisdom and genius. She believes it is never about the “how or why”, but the “WHO”. For the past 9 years, she’s made it her mission to support those who are ready to take big bold steps in their life, business, relationships and financial success.all while having a good time. 

Website: wendyirwin.com 
IG: @WendyIrwinCoaching 
FB: @WendyIrwinCoaching
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wendyharveyirwin

A Siarza Production
Hosted by Kristelle Siarza Moon & Jace Downey
Executive Producer: Kristelle Siarza Moon
Producer: Jace Downey
Video/Editing: Justin Otsuka

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Chapters

• 0:00 Unpacking Stories for Success
• 3:17 Success Through Mentorship and Personal Growth
• 17:34 Unpacking the "Who Bag" for Success

Transcript

Wendy Irwin: 0:00

You're the smart one, you're the funny one, or you're the mean one or you're lazy. All these stories are in this who bag and unconsciously we walk around just believing everything in that bag is supposed to be there. To me, the secret to finding happiness and success is taking that who bag out, dumping it out, taking a look at everything in there and then putting back what makes sense to put them there and then getting rid of one of them.

Kristelle: 0:30

Welcome back to Stories, success and Stuff. I'm very excited for today's guest. Today, obviously, we have Jace here, the co-host, our amazing co-host, the co-host. We normally explore specific topics about success, but we're gonna go straight to a source that we're really excited to have. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Wendy Irwin, wendy, thank you this is where the applause button, where we're gonna come in really helpful.

Jace: 0:55

There are applause in your heart.

Kristelle: 0:57

I'll say it. There's a pause right here.

Jace: 0:59

There it is yeah.

Kristelle: 1:00

So Wendy is an ICF professional certified coach and coach trainer, focused on creating full-time, unapologetic leadership with people who are ready to change the world with their talents, wisdom and genius. She believes it is never about the quote, how or why, but it is the who that she focuses on, and so, for the past nine years, she's made it her mission to support those who are ready to take big, bold steps in their life, business relationships and financial successes, all while having a good time. Most importantly, we've actually indirectly had Wendy on the show. For those of you that have been watching the show for a very long time, we appreciate your support, but also for tuning into the mentor episodes.

Jace: 1:45

That's right.

Kristelle: 1:46

This is I told Jason in the previous episode. This is an honor to have you here, because I feel like that mentorship episode was very emotional, because we really dove down to the people that made us who we are today. So thank you for being such an incredible mentor to Jason and thank you for being here. We're really excited to have you on the show.

Wendy Irwin: 2:08

Well, thank you, and it's so weird to hear my name and the word mentor in the same sentence. It's just bizarre, you know, because I still feel like I'm 18.

Kristelle: 2:17

And I don't know why and it's just weird, you know. Yeah, well, you know, it's one of those things where we obviously take this show very seriously. We also take a lot of pride in the production and the content and the brainstorming, everything that we put into this. But, as you know, like when you care so much about a craft or you have a really exciting story to tell, you're gonna do whatever it takes to get there. So, kind of segueing into like how have you been able to really define success for the folks that you've worked with? Like, what stories have you heard of success in the years of coaching that you've been doing?

Wendy Irwin: 2:59

Well, it's interesting. That question is interesting because I think it's changed a little bit. But I tell you from when people the first conversation I had with people that are like I can't do this anymore or you know, I've done all the things. I got promoted to general manager, you know, like on SVP, and this isn't it right and to see them start shifting their whole paradigm and start creating and crafting this life that they want, that brings them joy and happiness and success, and, you know, financial success and doing it on their terms. That I think that's to me that's who I really love working with, and that can be people who own businesses, that can be stay-at-home moms, that could be. Basically, it's like here's all the playbook I've had up to now and it's not working right and so I want a new version. That's all mine and that just lights me up inside Not to sound silly, but it does.

Jace: 4:07

No, that's very fair to say, and what I'm hearing is success for you and it seems like for those who seek you out really has to come with creating their own version. There's a component of it being very personal in order for it to be fulfilling.

Wendy Irwin: 4:25

I think that's true, for, honestly, I think it's true for everyone, and if they think that it's not true, then they're probably just kidding themselves, and I always say it works until it doesn't. That's what I usually say. So yeah, for me it's watching people have success, in getting to use my skills and my gifts, in helping them and partnering them with to do that. Thanksvery much, gambit.

Kristelle: 4:47

I mean, it sounds really simple, but that's what I do and that's what I really enjoy so, wendy, we heard a lot about how you've influenced Jace and mentorship and how you've kind of crafted the message. One of the stories I specifically remember was she always wanted to be around you like she always wanted to be right in your circle.

Jace: 5:06

That makes me sound so creepy. I just happened to be around her.

Kristelle: 5:10

What I mean by that is, like the, the leadership of osmosis right like surrounding yourself are unsuccessful people. That's how you become successful yourself, absolutely. And so I have to ask, like, who are your mentors as you were Guiding yourself through this new journey, being a former creative Etc? Like, who are your mentors as as you've been building your career over the years?

Wendy Irwin: 5:31

Well, I had a couple when I was, when I was doing your creative business, I had a group of women here in Austin called the Austin craft mafia and I, if you ever want to delve back into history, that's what they called themselves and it was like, I think, seven women and they all. They were all much younger than me, but they had crafty businesses and they were sassy and they knew how to, you know, do the technology piece, which back in like 2004, was not something everybody knew how to do. So I really learned a lot from them on how to self-promote, how to have fun, how to be quirky and be a profitable Creative, which some people probably know, like the whole starving artist moniker is is very prevalent, and they were, they knew what they were doing, and so that was kind of like the first bit. When I got into coaching. Basically, a lot of the trainers that I worked with and some people that in the, in the Program that I teach now, are just so incredible.

Wendy Irwin: 6:28

I mean people who just Light up a screen talking about what they love to do and to me, that Electricity and that and that energy and that verb behind it is what is what Encouraged me to know that sometimes it's not about just a product, it's about how you show up and and sometimes you're the product. Right, you might be the product and it has very little do with you. Know, I always say I don't care what they're doing, I want it, I don't care what they're selling, I want it. So that I think there's that and in some people Could call it the res or charisma, but I think that you get charisma by being authentically you yeah, we to be authentic.

Jace: 7:11

I will admit that I just learned what that phrase and have attempted to college age students. Yeah, you used it so smoothly. We have yet to figure out how to really like slide it in to things. I'm wondering if there have been people along your path who maybe were not Perceived as mentors, maybe they were not even perceived as positive at the time, but who really helped you Move forward. Maybe they seemed like adversaries at the time, or or enemies, oh, my goodness.

Wendy Irwin: 7:43

Well, that that's like a an origin story actually, because you know my dad was a business owner oh 59, 1959 and he was amazing as an incredible artist and a beautiful craft, but he had this much business savvy Like we ate and were housed and fed in spite of his business argument. But honestly, by watching him and I don't wanna say mistakes, I mean he was doing what he could do right, but by watching him I realized all the other ways you could do business and I say that politely all the other options.

Jace: 8:26

I say those are very tactful Ways, I'm talking business.

Wendy Irwin: 8:30

And what's funny is my dad's 83 and he still works part-time.

Kristelle: 8:34

Oh, wow, what type of business is it? Or so, it's a crafting, he's in the crafts, he's an automotive, anti-automotive restorer.

Wendy Irwin: 8:45

So he does cards, he does anything from the seats to rebuilding parts and he's just such an amazing craftsman and he works really, really hard and like he's the type of person like back in like 300 years ago he would have a sponsor, you know, and people would just hire him to show up and do things, as opposed to running a business. Yeah, he's incredible.

Kristelle: 9:07

So I always like this phrase, especially with other entrepreneurs that I run into. I always love the phrase working on the business versus in the business. It's very fascinating to me. As for you, as a coach, you're really the conduit for a business owner to work on the business, but your dad is in the business. Like how does that? How did you make that transition, especially with you formally being a creative right? How did you make that transition, and was that a difficult transition for you to make as an entrepreneur?

Wendy Irwin: 9:42

From working in the business to on the business. I don't not. For me, and I think part of it is just the way my brain thinks I'm very system oriented, you know. I mean, like that's just me, like I think I'm one of those weirds hybrids between engineer and creative, and so I have a lot of yeah, I have a lot of engineering structure, system background, like I could coordinate just about anything by myself and but I also have the creative piece of it.

Wendy Irwin: 10:14

So part of the, I think when I started creating my own business and shifting from one business to the other, it was more about what does this business need, right? I think that, as opposed to, everybody says you have to do this, you have to do this and you have to do this, and I was like, well, what does this business need? And so you kind of work from there, and I think for me it's because I was solo it makes it a lot easier, right? I'm not, you know, I'm not pivoting entire business like you might do, and how you do one thing is how you do everything. So if you keep it simple and you really really take into account about what a business actually needs as opposed to what it should have. You'd be surprised how easy it is to work on your business.

Jace: 10:57

That's really good advice. That is good advice. So when people should pay you for this, yeah, Exactly my thought too.

Kristelle: 11:05

So whenever people work with you and they say you know I, you know we always love the stories of success, right, that's the premise of the show. And so when, when you're working with folks and you've seen some clients, you know what is the problem that you solve for them, or what, what, what challenge did you help them overcome? And what you talked about, Joy, and I'll put that a pin in that one particularly. But when somebody says I think I'm done working with you and it's a successful transition out, why was it successful? Like, why do you think they're going to be a successful business owner with what you've given them as a gift of coaching?

Wendy Irwin: 11:44

I think in some ways the key is clarity, like they have a really clear idea of what they want, and then, honestly, confidence. That's a huge piece, because it doesn't matter how clear you are, if you're too afraid to take the steps, then nothing's going to come of it. And I really want to come up with another C, but I'm not sure. But I think having habits so having clarity, feeling confident and having habits that they feel comfortable to rely on to build their business and be consistent is really helpful and it's really kind of that simple.

Jace: 12:24

Yeah, I'm gonna add another one in that maybe not everybody feels they need I know none of us should need it but permission.

Jace: 12:33

One of the things that I really gained working with you was I felt I had permission and that I got to a place where I could give myself permission to step outside of the mold, outside of the prescribed life, and actually start going towards what felt authentic and true for me, even though society and people around me were like nope, that's crazy, bonkers, bananas, don't do that. You gotta just stick with what works and you gotta work hard and put your nose down and all these really outdated notions of where success comes from and more power to you if that's where yours is coming from, of course, but it wasn't working for me and I was really unhappy. And working with you and gaining that clarity, getting some actual systems and tools that I could work with confidence for sure, but then just having permission that it doesn't have to come one way. Happiness and success do not have to come from one path and it can't, because the path laid out for me wasn't my own and it was never going to lead me to be happy.

Kristelle: 13:34

Isn't it always great to have a testimonial in the room.

Jace: 13:37

Ha ha ha ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha. And there's the accountability piece with that too. Even as a friend, when I see you living your life in bold ways and ways that are so authentic to who you are, I'm like oh yeah, it actually can be successful. I've stayed in its nice house right, like literally that's not a metaphor Like there is financial success that can come from taking your own path. And that accountability piece is important for me as well.

Kristelle: 14:04

Well, and I have to ask, like have you ever had that moment in your life, especially as a coach? But, like self-reflection, have you ever had that moment where you're like I made it. What was that moment for you and when was it? Where were you?

Wendy Irwin: 14:20

I don't think I've ever had that point. I don't think I've ever had that moment, only because I don't even know what that really means. I think I think for me like what if I were to think for myself? I made it like, in terms of my own terms, the fact that I teach about something that I'm super passionate about, is it really important to me? And I always joke about the people that hire me. I was like they have no clue who they've hired, like suckers, you know.

Jace: 14:48

Like they didn't even have a solid like this professionally you know professional person who's gonna.

Wendy Irwin: 14:55

You know mine, my manners and follow all the rules and I was like they're gonna find out. Like that's my imposter syndrome is. I am a loose cannon and whoever hired me is gonna figure out of an HR nightmare.

Jace: 15:05

But for me, I was like that's why some of us hired you so Exactly.

Wendy Irwin: 15:10

And I mean we talk about our stories. Sometimes it's like I'm always in the principal's office in my head right. I've always done something wrong and go into the principal's office and so. But for me, feeling like I've made it is more about loving my life and having that life take care of me, and that's huge, Huge.

Kristelle: 15:36

That echoed in multiple different ways. That totally echoed.

Jace: 15:41

Can I ask oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you might not have a like I've made it moment, but did you have a come to Jesus moment of your own where you recognized the life you were living wasn't working, or that they were very busy and working, or that they were very real consequences to not living authentically? There was a lot.

Wendy Irwin: 15:59

There's a couple that come to mind and I feel like and I know I mentioned this to Jace one time we go way back, but my first one was I had just had my second child and I think I would have been 36,.

Wendy Irwin: 16:14

I think at the time, and I had had my annual mammogram and I got a call from my doctor and said you know, you have breast cancer and that in itself, you know, most people are like, oh you, poor thing. Well, my response to that this isn't a really good time. Do we have to deal with this now? Like I have two kids, one in diaper, you know, and she was like Wendy yeah, we need to take care of this now. So there was a couple of things that came from that moment.

Wendy Irwin: 16:46

One is I had this knowing that my body was In the effect of all the stress I had been under and the toxicity I had been under up into that time, and so I decided this is no longer the way I want to live my life. I want to live in more conscious and I want to live more aware and I want to live it healthy. I don't want to have a lot of stress, and so that was that first pivot for me, and that's when I started pursuing. I left the bag you know the bag business kind of started doing its own thing, and then I started going into coaching and consciousness work and you know all that kind of stuff. So that was the. That was the beginning of the beginning.

Jace: 17:34

Speaking of bags, there's a concept I've heard you talk about, which is the who bag. Can you explain the who bag?

Wendy Irwin: 17:43

Yeah, so.

Kristelle: 17:45

I'm sorry. When I read that I was at first I like I wasn't going to say this, but I was like, did she just say hoe bag? And then I had to. I had to read it again. Yeah, so we can also talk about that later.

Jace: 17:58

But, we.

Wendy Irwin: 17:58

I joke about because, you know, a lot of times people talk about the who and they talk about the what and the how and the why and all this stuff. But ultimately you are, you're the operating system right, and so whatever you put in that operating system, which is I call your who bag, is going to dictate how everything operates. And so a lot of us through life, we have this big, this big, you know, giant hobo bag full of our who and some of it we've put there. Some of our parents put there some students, strangers, boyfriends, girlfriends. You know they put things in there like you're the smart one, you're the funny one, or you're the mean one, or you're lazy.

Wendy Irwin: 18:37

All this, all these stories are in this who bag and unconsciously we walk around just believing everything in that bag is supposed to be there for a reason, and it's only when we start pulling those things out that we examine. You know, do we really need this two year old granola bar in there, this receipt, or this wadded up piece of gum, or this Kleenex with lipstick on it which has things on it that no longer serve us? And so really you're. To me, the secret finding happiness and success is taking that who bag out, dumping it out, taking a look at everything in there and then putting back what makes sense to put them there and then getting rid of what does it.

Kristelle: 19:21

So when you've coached folks with this process this is very fascinating to me. I consider it like home editing, right? I get the metaphor. And whenever you've coached people through this process, what transformational changes have they made in their professional, personal lives once you've told them this oh, wow.

Wendy Irwin: 19:41

Well, part of the things that, when we were talking about these things is usually there's, there's usually one or two what I call central messages, that kind of play in the background all the time and it's usually, you know, like you're not smart enough, you're not good enough.

Wendy Irwin: 19:55

You know all the, you know all those imposter syndrome kind of messages and we call them in my company we call them gremlin messages. But when you really take a look at those particular messages and who's who's in the driver's seat if it's you or if it's the message, and then taking ownership and responsibility of that message and changing it and starting to shift it, a lot of people kind of pigeonhole themselves. And I came from three sisters and my oldest one was super creative and artistic, the second one was the pretty one and I was the smart one, and so those were our roles. But that was in my who bag, but I never allowed creativity to go in my who bag because for the most part I wasn't allowed to, because that was, that was my sister's territory, right. So we create and craft these stories for years and then we start believing them to be true, right, and there's like a small T truth, and there's the capital T truth, right Capital T truth is we exist and we have experiences. Everything else is interpretation.

Jace: 20:58

And.

Wendy Irwin: 20:58

Jason's. Like you may exist, we may not exist.

Jace: 21:01

I mean, this might all be a simulation. There's some proof towards it.

Wendy Irwin: 21:06

But figuring out those stories and unraveling some of them, especially if they're the ones that are getting you getting in your way and tripping you up, Gotcha.

Jace: 21:16

How important is fun in all of this? And I'll say it because I used to be the serious one and now I'm known as the fun one. Like when people need fun ideas, they come to me and so I like that in my who Bag. I did not like being the overworked serious one, but I will claim the fun one in my who Bag. But what importance does fun play for all the things you're talking about?

Wendy Irwin: 21:41

It's everything and it's what's fun for you, right? So I'm like a huge nerd, so learning and doing puzzles, things like that, are fun for me. Now, that would be a headache for someone else, but I found when you're doing what you love, it's usually fun for you, and so anytime people are trying to tackle something that they feel is a little overwhelming, or that they're hesitant or a little afraid, I'm like well, what we make it fun and it takes the pressure off, and I think in some ways it takes like a filter off too, so then they can start looking at opportunities and options on how to do things. But to me, fun is I mean, that's what fills your body with endorphins and all the good juice. So why wouldn't you do more things with fun? I think stress is overrated.

Jace: 22:31

I agree. What about the things that have to be done Like I have to do all of these things in my business, but that they're not fun?

Kristelle: 22:38

Like finances and everything along the just kidding. Yeah, how do you coach somebody Like, for example, I'll use myself as a potential person you work with? I get debilitated when it comes to working on something that requires not so much a deadline but more of a. It's got a heavy weight on the people around me, but it personally affects me more so than the people around me, and if I don't get it done or procrastinate on it, I just freeze. So how do you navigate somebody that doesn't want to do something but, at the same time, they understand that pressure of like it has to be done right now?

Wendy Irwin: 23:29

Well, a couple of things. You can just push right through it, bite the bullet and go, but I find that that doesn't. It's not sustainable. So, ultimately, what you've got to do is you've got to figure out, ok, what's the thought that's going through your head when you go to step into doing that thing? And I guarantee it's a thought that's coming from that you're not smart enough, you're not good enough, or I have to do this. So we always talk about turning the half-twos into the want-twos or get-twos, and so it could be something as basic as how can I shift this where I get to do it? Like, what thought would help me shift this? Now, that's oversimplifying it, because that could be an entire coaching session of what goes on. But ultimately, you gotta figure out what's getting in the way, because you know you are a successful, intelligent, highly skilled woman, that's not a general statement, that's about you specifically, lady.

Jace: 24:28

Oh, I was like oh, I am supposed to write this down. No, I'm just kidding, no, and I get that. Put it in there. Yeah, yeah, put it in your.

Kristelle: 24:35

HUBag. Yeah, put it in your HUBag. Well, it's funny. I was like, well, what's in my HUBag? Like I'm thinking about it and like you're totally right and the creativity behind the metaphor. To begin with, you know, like you said, like these people don't know what they just hired, I'm like, no, now I get it. Like sometimes it's just you're communicating in a way that really resonates with people and it really helps them illustrate success. But you know, to kind of to crazy enough. They're actually starting to get towards the end of our conversation, but I want to end on a really strong note. You know, when you look at the things that you've accomplished with your two kids and the successful business transitioning another one, you know, working with your dad or indirectly with your dad for so long, you know, at the end of the day, how will you know when you've lived that successful life, or what if that one I made it moment comes in and crosses your like? How will you know? Or what does that look like for you?

Wendy Irwin: 25:31

Well, I feel like that's. I don't really feel like my life is a destination. I mean it's really silly. You know it's a journey, right. I feel like when you're present and grateful and joyful and living authentically in each moment, the end is just the end. It's not like a destination, it's not the gold medal at the end. I mean that's like saying your life could suck and then also you win a million dollars and die and you would be successful. Like that doesn't make any sense. Yeah, so to me it's. I think I just go back to the, you know, having a really loving my life and having it take care of me, and to me that success it really is success. And you know, having people come and spit on my grave also is kind of sounds, kind of cool too, because that means I made some impact, whether people else.

Jace: 26:24

Yes, I agree, I agree 100%. I would like dancing on and spitting on my grave for sure no, about that.

Kristelle: 26:30

I'll think about that. I do want to.

Jace: 26:33

Art provokes strong emotions. Yeah, 100%. I hope I live like that, wendy?

Kristelle: 26:38

is there something that you think there's like a key takeaway that you'd like to make sure our audience a really phenomenal audience of supporters of the organization, but mostly supporters of people being successful? Is there anything else that we might have missed that you're like, hey, I really wanted to make sure that somebody hears this message. I'll tell you. When you said there's no reason to stress out, like a moment in me another mentor of mine, debbie Johnson, had said once like stress will kill you. Right, I had a moment where I'm like I really need to rethink that phrase, you know. So I guess what's the one thing that you think people take away from whenever they're working with you?

Wendy Irwin: 27:12

Well, to that point, because I feel like I want to address that as well stress doesn't just kill you, kills you. It blinds you to opportunity. Like you become so stressed out you don't see all the options that are around you because you're so hyper-focused on what's wrong. Usually that's what causes stress. So if you're able to take a deep breath or able to find that joy, or find something that's in alignment with who you really are in order to face the challenges.

Wendy Irwin: 27:40

You have the opportunities just start bubbling up. But if you're only focusing on the problems, that's all you're going to see and that's what's going to grow. And so you can only focus on solutions. Though, when you're not in that stress response and I would say, whatever you can do to create less and less of a stress response whether that be self-awareness, finding what's in your who bag, not working in an environment or in a system that doesn't work for you all of those things induce stress. So if you can decrease that, you're going to increase success. That's just math.

Jace: 28:18

Ooh, that's the new t-shirt. Decrease stress, increase success. You heard it here first. You're like a deep breath of a human person.

Kristelle: 28:29

Thank you. Thank you so, so so much for being on the show and thank you for sharing your wisdom, your stories of success and, most importantly, thank you for being a part of not just Jace's life but my life, because this is incredible and I really appreciate what you've done for other professionals down the road and I really hope to help uplift you and help promote you. If people want to get in touch with you or find more about you, wendy and they can find you on wendierwincom, w-n-d-y-i-r-w-i-ncom, or find you on social media at Wendy Irwin Coaching. Thank you so much for your time. We really appreciate it, wendy. Thank you, it was wonderful. Thank you so much, and thank you the listeners, the viewers, the podcasters, the fans or people who spit on our graves, whatever that might be.

Wendy Irwin: 29:19

Do it, oh no.

Kristelle: 29:22

Thank you so much for watching this episode of Stories, Success and Stuff. I'm Crystal. This is Jace. Don't forget to subscribe to us on YouTube, on Spotify, your favorite Apple podcast network. Don't forget to also visit our website for any feedback that you'd like to give us at CRScom. Most importantly, thank you for being and watching us here at Stories, Success and Stuff. The next episode will be coming out very soon and we're excited to showcase any type of topics that might be relevant in your world. But thanks again, Appreciate you how many topics we're going to be talking about today, so full curtain, no-transcript.